


How to be Brave in Seven Days

by charcolor



Series: Twinkie in Seven Days [3]
Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, twilight is a disaster bi isnt she
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-07-16 12:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16085690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: There's no need for Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie to keep their relationship a secret. No one shows any animosity or bitterness toward them for being in love. Unfortunately, that's not enough for Twilight's anxieties about her friendships to go away, and she wonders if being secretive would be a good idea after all.





	1. Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it again with the twinkie content

It had been exactly three weeks since Twilight Sparkle had officially become Pinkie Pie's girlfriend. Of course, since she was the Princess of Friendship, that was more than enough time for word to spread all around Ponyville, and probably outside it too. In fact, when Starlight Glimmer returned from her week out of town, the first thing she said to Twilight was, "So I hear that you've gotten yourself a girlfriend?"

Twilight confirmed with a nod. At that point, it'd only been a few days since it happened, so she still wasn't used to talking about it.

"Well, I'm happy for you and Pinkie Pie," Starlight had added with a smile. "Are you, er...alright, with the fact that everyone's gossiping about it?"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Twilight had replied, despite the heat filling her face. "It's just something new. And I'm a princess now, so of course there'll be talking. I'm just worried about somepony holding malice toward us."

Fortunately, that didn't happen. Homophobia wasn't a problem at all in Ponyville, so Twilight hadn't expected anything particularly bad. Canterlot was a different story. Of course, Princess Celestia was around to ensure no sorts of hate crimes were committed, but there was still quiet bigotry amongst some of the more uptight ponies. Those types of ponies were usually pretty easy to figure out.

Maybe that was one reason why Twilight had been so antisocial up until her move to Ponyville. As a filly, it was harder to tell the difference between good and bad ponies, so maybe she'd subconsciously decided it'd be easier to not make any friends all. That was probably the case with Moondancer, too. That poor girl had encountered a lot of closed-minded neighbors in her childhood, and she hadn't even realized it until she grew up.

"At that party you helped me put together for her," Twilight had mentioned to Pinkie on a date, "she told me she was gay."

Pinkie shrugged. "Well, yeah, who isn't?"

Twilight giggled. "I guess most ponies don't care. But for some reason, the ponies Moondancer grew up around do. Or did. Hopefully they've become more accepting."

"How are they gonna be like that when they live in the same city as Princess Celestia?" Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Are they gonna try to overthrow her because she doesn't hate ponies for no reason?"

"I don't understand either."

Maybe it was just because she'd lived in Ponyville for so long now that it seemed infathomable that there were ponies who might glare at and despise her when she nuzzled Pinkie and kissed her on the cheek. Well, maybe not entirely infathomable. Of course, no one would see any shame in the idea of two girls being in love. It was extremely common in a friendly village like this. Twilight never worried about that.

It was how her friends would feel that bothered her.

Pinkie Pie denied seeing any change in their behavior, but Twilight caught it. The fleeting, awkward glances they were given when they were beside each other. The very brief hesitation before they were spoken to. The growing distance between them and their friends.

Starlight Glimmer said she was just being paranoid. "Why would they shun you over something like this? That wouldn't be like them at all. You haven't been missing your anxiety medication or anything, right?" Twilight didn't blame her. If Pinkie didn't notice it, she probably _was_ just being paranoid. But fear just couldn't listen to reason.

_Just ask them. Just come out and ask them. No, that's so manipulative. "Hey, just wondering, have I ruined our entire friendship by falling in love with her?" How is anypony supposed to answer something like that?_

Twilight decided it would be a good idea to try and distance herself. Just for a little while. Maybe a week or so. Just to let her friends get used to this new relationship around them. It wasn't very considerate of her to show affection for Pinkie Pie right in front of them before they had a chance to be comfortable about it. 

On the other hoof, Pinkie was absolutely delighted with how everything was going. She loved to be romantic with Twilight. It was understandable. Pinkie had confessed that she'd been infatuated with Twilight for a very long time, even before she'd realized it. It would be so cruel and selfish to force her to repress that again, wouldn't it?

On Saturday night, Twilight tucked herself into bed earlier than usual. She found it easier to think with the freshness of bedsheets wrapped around her. Also, she was doing a really good job fighting her habit of pacing everywhere and she didn't want to ruin it.

She found herself feeling a little lonely, though. Ponies usually slept beside their loved ones. Thinking about that made her miss Pinkie sometimes at night. But it couldn't be helped. It would be too inconvenient to live together; Pinkie had her work at the bakery and with her party planning, and Twilight was, well, a princess. They could spend the night with each other sometimes, but it was unrealistic to ask for that every single night. Maybe it was for the better, anyway, that Pinkie wasn't here to distract her.

_Maybe I can spend more time with her this week, but...only in private. I should've known not to be so overwhelming. But how am I supposed to ask her to distance herself from me?_

They could easily meet up and talk tomorrow. Somewhere private. They had to start getting used to restricting themselves. Even if some part of Twilight, blinded by affection, was desperately crying for her to handle it some other way. Pinkie would understand, definitely. It would be hard for them both, but Twilight had faith that they could work together so that everypony was happy in the end.

 _That's all it comes down to, isn't it? Making everypony happy._ Even if it meant holding off what she really wanted, it was better than being selfish and overbearing and making her friends feel awkward. 

It was so simple. And it was the responsible, mature thing to do. So why did dread creep its way into her heart anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the short chapter.......i promise i have like, a plot and stuff ready to go so it shouldn't be too hard except i cannot end things


	2. Sunday

Sugarcube Corner opened at about nine o'clock, so Twilight made sure to get there around an hour before that. It would be rather inconvenient to force Pinkie to sacrifice her time on the job to have a conversation. Twilight didn't want too much of a time restraint.

Pinkie was already wiping down the counter when Twilight entered. As soon as their eyes met, Pinkie's smile brightened and she waved a hoof around. "Good morning! My love!" She'd gotten into the habit of addressing Twilight by whatever affectionate terms she could come up with, and she didn't seem to be planning on quitting. "You want breakfast? I already had breakfast, but I can make some more for you, darling!"

Twilight was going to ask if she was too busy, but that'd basically just been answered. "Oh, well...thank you, but I had breakfast, too, so I'm all set, but..." She still felt like she was pulling her away from work. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, you're doing it!" Pinkie giggled. "Good work!"

"Thank you," Twilight said, bowing with amusement slipping onto her face. "But it's a little awkward to just stand here and talk over the counter, so..."

"No problem!" Pinkie somehow managed to throw herself over the counter and land upright beside Twilight. "I just finished up cleaning! We have time to go upstairs! Or outside! Wherever you wanna go!"

"Upstairs is fine." It was what Twilight wanted. Being in public to talk to Pinkie about this would be very uncomfortable. And it was nice to be with her in her bedroom and lie beside her. She had a soft bed, and it made Twilight think that she wanted to sleep over here sometime soon.

Pinkie immediately kissed her on the mouth. Twilight accepted and enjoyed it. They wouldn't have many chances to show love in the days to come, so they had to take every chance they had. Pinkie didn't know that yet, but it was okay. Twilight just had to figure out how to word it. Apparently, she was taking a little too long.

"What's the matter, Twilight?" Pinkie pulled away, as if it was somehow her fault.

Twilight couldn't just lie here and silently choose words. "I'm sorry, it's just...I know you don't see it, but I think we might be overwhelming our friends."

"Whaddaya mean? What'd we do?"

"You know..." Twilight tentatively brushed a wing against Pinkie's body. "It's...strange, if two of your closest friends start dating..."

"But it's not like you love me  _more_! You just love me  _differently_!" Pinkie still wasn't troubled at all. She offered reassurance with her bubbly replies and her sweet smile. "You said so yourself, cupcake!"

Twilight returned her smile in the fleeting moment of safety. "I don't know if they realize that. Or maybe...I was thinking, maybe they just can't get used to it. So I wanted to..."

She squirmed and averted her eyes. How was she supposed to word this without sounding like she wasn't still in love? Pinkie caught on to the discomfort and slowly drew into a warm hug. They stayed that way until Twilight found it.

"I don't want to keep it a secret. Really, I don't."

"It doesn't have to be a secret." There was a sudden hint of panic in Pinkie's response, and her hold tightened slightly.

"No, but...maybe just this week, we should only be together in private. Away from our friends. When we're out with our friends, it's too much to be so affectionate in front of them."

"Why?"

Twilight paused to close her eyes. She could tell that this wasn't what Pinkie wanted. "I don't want to stop being so close to you in public. But I can't put myself above my friends. It's just for a little while. Just until they're used to it."

"Why can't you just ask?" Pinkie demanded softly. "Just ask if we're being annoying lovebirds?"

"I don't think it's the sort of thing to be brutally honest about. If I were in that situation, I think I'd blame myself and think I'm not tolerant enough. But it's not their fault."

"But it's not  _our_ fault."

"That doesn't mean we can't resolve it."

"They already know we're dating. No takesies-backsies."

"I don't mean we should pretend to break up. Nothing dramatic like that."

They were quiet for a while after that, eventually cuddling each other against the plush comforter. It was much less stressful to nuzzle her when they were alone. No worrying about being too overbearing for their friends, no worrying about driving anypony away. There was only love and comfort right now.

Pinkie finally broke it. "I really don't think they mind, but...I guess you'd feel better, right?"

Twilight nodded. She felt a twist of selfishness. "I'm sorry."

But Pinkie smiled at her. "It's okay! It's just for a little while! We're still allowed to call each other girlfriends, right?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Twilight sat up and fluffed out her wings. "That won't ever change, anyway."

Pinkie sat up as well, and quickly kissed her on the nose. "Okie-dokie! But you have to sleep over this week to make up for it!"

"I couldn't spend all week here," Twilight replied, "as much as I want to."

"I know that, silly! I mean, like...maybe Wednesday you could sleep over? Any day's fine with me!"

Wednesday was a good day. Right in the middle of the week, they could be together at night to be open about how they felt the plan was going. "I think I'll come over Wednesday," she decided.

"Okay!" Pinkie pulled her into another hug, resting her chin on Twilight's shoulder. "Wednesday it is!"

It was fine, then. It would all work out. Pinkie wasn't as reluctant as Twilight had feared. Was that bad? Was that wrong of her? Was she being manipulative? She was relieved that she had been honest, but some odd weight was telling her that she'd just made a huge mistake. Was that true? She really couldn't tell what the right thing to do was now, and she submitted herself to clinging to Pinkie, hoping that being this close to her would somehow give her some solace.

"I'm scared." She didn't mean to admit it. It was almost inaudible.

"Did you change your mind?" Pinkie asked.

"No." Twilight shook her head and tried to smile. "That'd be selfish. I just want to give everypony a chance to accept this as part of our friendships."

Was it really worth sacrificing the way Pinkie lovingly embraced her? Of course it was. Twilight couldn't be so selfish as to put her love for Pinkie Pie over the comfort and stability of their friendships. She just had to keep telling herself that, even if she was going to miss this sort of touch in the daylight, it would be nothing compared to the confusion and fear she had just saved themselves from.


	3. Monday

_It's not supposed to be frightening. They've been your friends for years._

It was starting to get grating, how often Twilight had to try and fail to reassure herself of something like this, how often she was silently and wordlessly berating herself for not being able to act like she always had she was with her friends. 

But this would pass soon. She just had to remember that it would be hard at first, but it was all for the better. In order for everypony to be happy, she couldn't dare say a single word to Pinkie Pie, lest it give way to the overwhelming romantic affection that she was so terrified would drive their friends away.

It was all for the better, even if Twilight was selfish and wanted to leave.

"Twilight?"

She was nudged roughly in the shoulder by Rainbow Dash, which earned a glare from Rarity, who was on her other side. "Don't be so forceful, Rainbow."

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Why not? Gently poking her isn't gonna pull her out of dissociation."

Twilight sighed. "I'm not dissociating." It wasn't too far off, though. She did completely forget that she was supposed to be playing Uni.

"It's your turn." Rainbow Dash gestured to the pile of cards in front of them. The top one was a blue four. Twilight hurriedly lifted up her hand of cards to examine them before placing a blue seven on top of the pile.

Rainbow Dash groaned. "Ugh, _seriously?_ That's the one number I  _don't_ have."

"You still don't have any blues?" Pinkie Pie asked. Twilight glanced at her for just long enough to see if she seemed any worse than Twilight felt. She didn't. That made it a little better, but not by much.

"Nope," Rainbow Dash answered, reluctantly taking another card off the top of one pile and putting it on the other. It was a yellow seven.

Twilight quietly watched the game go around their circle. She could focus on that instead of uselessly worrying. That was the whole point, wasn't it? Games couldn't be played if she wasn't paying attention. Rarity made her draw four cards and skip her turn, which Twilight couldn't bother getting worked up over. As she was drawing the cards, she caught Fluttershy's eye for a second. Something about the way she looked at her made Twilight suspect that she was catching on to her true feelings. 

_Why can't you just ignore your thoughts? It doesn't hurt to act normal. If Pinkie can do it, so can you. It's not like this isn't working. Everypony's having a good time. Why can't I do this?_

"Uni!" Pinkie declared as she threw down her second-to-last card. This was mostly a game of luck, at least in Twilight's opinion, but Pinkie was clearly proud of herself. She hadn't even technically won yet. Twilight didn't mind at all, of course. Pinkie looked so pretty when she was happy like this, even over little things like being close to winning a game of Uni. She really admired that about her, always making every little piece of the day brighter.

Twilight giggled softly. She didn't realize the territory she'd just put herself in until she felt stares burning her face.

_I wasn't supposed to do that._

She felt a smooth hoof nudge her, much more gently than how Rainbow Dash had before. "Is something the matter, Twilight?" Rarity whispered, although since everyone was already staring at her, there was no point trying to avoid attention. "Do you need to take a break? Or do you just need some help on how you could still win?"

Twilight swallowed her regret and accepted the lifeline. "It's fine. I only have a few cards left, I think I can manage. I, uh, just didn't realize that...that Pinkie was so close to winning."

Pinkie didn't react to this. Not that Twilight would've noticed. Could she even look at her without ending up being overaffectionate? It was like Twilight was an impulsive beast, and she had to cage and tame herself. She hated that. Nothing like this was ever supposed to happen.

Was she even supposed to love Pinkie Pie the way that she did? They'd convinced themselves that it was all okay, that no one would think less of them for it. Twilight didn't think enough over how much she'd be ruining their camaraderie.

 _I want to leave. I want to leave._ She couldn't leave. She was with  _her_ friends, in  _her_ home, where  _she'd_ invited them. She wasn't  _supposed_ to leave.

"You fool!" Pinkie declared in Fluttershy's direction. "It wouldn't have mattered what color you used! This is a wild card!" She dramatically proved this by tossing her final card faceup in the center of their circle.

Why did she have to be so endearing? Twilight didn't know what to do, so she subconsciously clung to the pony closest to her, Rarity.

Rarity blinked in bewilderment for a quick moment before lowering her head and whispering. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? Would you like us to leave you alone?"

Twilight knew everyone else was looking at her too, and that certainly didn't make this whole situation any better. She tried fishing through words in her mind for an acceptable excuse. "I think...I'll sit out the next game. I need to go to my room for a little bit."

"U-um..." Fluttershy cleared her throat. "We can leave, if you'd like. It's _your_ home."

"No, it's okay." Twilight tried to smile. "I'll be back down in a little bit."

The nice thing about having wings was that she didn't have to awkwardly shuffle away from her confused and concerned friends. She could just launch herself down the hall before they could do anything about it. Well, Rainbow Dash would've been able to do something, but Twilight didn't give her the time to consider following her. In seconds, she'd firmly shut the crystal door behind her and escaped to her bed.

Already, the unsettling adrenaline was fading. Twilight groaned softly in frustration with herself and lay on her back.  _Maybe Starlight was right. I think I must've forgotten my medication this morning._ There wasn't much she could do about that now. It was past noon, far too late to take any morning medication.

Too late to not be such a confusing wreck.

Were her friends going to get tired of this, too? Could they manage to be as frustrated as Twilight, who was clutching her pillow and silently cursing herself for being so disgustingly unstable?

Nopony else was ever like this. When ponies were in love, they were supposed to be sweet and adorable and bring an aura of pure love to any situation. They were supposed to be completely at ease with each other and confident in themselves. This was wrong. Twilight honestly loved Pinkie very much, and the sentiment was obviously mutual, but she wasn't supposed to be confused and stressed and paranoid and doubtful. She didn't want to break this relationship, or any of their friendships. But Twilight wasn't in love the way she was supposed to be.

At the alarm of three quick knocks at the door, Twilight bolted up to a more dignified position. She didn't have time to open the door before it swung to reveal Spike, averting his big green eyes.

"Uh..." He fidgeted with his claws. "Fluttershy said to tell you that they were gonna leave to give you space."

Twilight couldn't pretend to be understanding. She fell back on her side without a word. Was she always going to be driving them away now? That wasn't what she wanted. What was she doing wrong?

"Do you need anything?" Spike kept himself at the doorway, tentatively raising his gaze more directly toward Twilight. Was Twilight scaring him off, too, then?

Twilight couldn't drag him into this mess. "I'm sorry, Spike."

"No, no, it's okay!" Spike almost ran toward her, but took a few quick steps back as soon as he entered the room. "I just wanna make sure you're doing alright."

Twilight couldn't bring herself to lie. She almost wanted to, but she couldn't think of any excuses at all. "I'll be fine," she decided to say, trying to hide her nerves. "I just needed to be alone for a while, that's all."

She watched Spike as he nodded with a tightened brow and gently shut the door, then listened as his little footsteps faded from outside, then took the opportunity to release that amalgamation of upsetting thoughts as a muffled groan into her pillow.

This was all so  _stupid,_ and knowing that didn't give her any guidance. Was she supposed to change her mind and be openly affectionate toward her girlfriend anyway? Was she supposed to muscle through it for the sake of her friendships? Would this end with benefiting everypony and solidifying their friendships or breaking everything apart? 

That wasn't even starting on how Pinkie Pie truly felt. If Twilight refused to be open with her, how was she expected to know if Pinkie was handling everything okay? Would she have to trust that Pinkie would have the courage to confront Twilight about all this? Or would Twilight have to be considerate and ask her as soon as possible?

She couldn't do anything right now other than take as much time as she needed to straighten out the downward spiral of thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took 34 years i was busy uh. not wanting to write
> 
> p.s. uni is horse uno. like in unicorn. ya get it


	4. Tuesday

Another day meant another opportunity to get used to this stupid game that Twilight Sparkle was playing with herself. It also meant another instance of waking up and immediately remembering that she wouldn't be allowed to show her affection for Pinkie Pie today.

A part of her didn't want to even leave the room, but as big as that part of her was, she knew it wouldn't do anyone any good for her to be cooped up all day. The very least she could do was go downstairs and fix some breakfast. It was already seven-thirty, after all.

Apparently, though, seven-thirty was considered early for most ponies, especially if they didn't have anywhere to be. Starlight Glimmer and Spike weren't around, so they were probably still asleep. That was probably a good thing, or maybe it wasn't. It was honestly very difficult to tell at this point whether or not socialization was a good idea right now.

"This is ridiculous," she sighed quietly. It was so idiotic, in fact, that Twilight couldn't even tell what she was feeling other that utter frustration.

For better or for worse, she was quickly distracted from that frustration by a rhythmic knocking from the front doors. Twilight, who would rather think about literally anything else, decided to take this chance, and she ended up flying straight toward the door and throwing it open with a little too much enthusiasm. "Good morning!" she greeted, before it occurred to her that she was probably acting very suspicious.

"Oh...good morning!" Fluttershy seemed taken aback. "Sorry, I wasn't sure you were awake. But..."

She averted her eyes and fidgeted with one of her wings, which gave Twilight the feeling that this wasn't an easy conversation for her to start. "Do you want to come in?" Twilight offered. "I'm not busy at all right now."

Fluttershy nodded quickly and stepped through the doorway. "I won't be too long. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

Oh. Of course. It wasn't as if Twilight could act like a nervous freak out of nowhere and expect everypony to forget about it by the next day. How was she supposed to offer an explanation without coming off as manipulative?

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be intrusive." Twilight was apparently visibly embarrassed enough for Fluttershy to immediately apologize. "I was just--"

"You're worried?" Twilight quickly interrupted. "It's not your fault. I, um...I appreciate that you came to visit me." She was making this way more awkward than it needed to be. "Do you want to have breakfast with me?"

"I already ate before I left this morning." Fluttershy fidgeted with her wings. "I was worried about you yesterday. It just seemed like you were very anxious about something."

What was Twilight supposed to do? Make Fluttershy feel like that she was to blame for Twilight's anxiety? Make Fluttershy feel like she was somehow being homophobic despite the fact that most of the Ponyville was gay? Or was Twilight supposed to just lie to her face? There was no way Fluttershy would believe her at this point if she insisted that nothing was wrong.

"I'd rather not talk about it." There was certainly no lie in saying that. "But don't worry about me. This'll resolve itself by next week, probably."

Fluttershy shifted her hooves and nodded with a moment of hesitation. "Um...could I just ask you one thing?"

"Yes?"

"Is everything going okay with Pinkie Pie?"

That certainly caught Twilight off guard. Twilight was doing this dumb stunt so that her friends had time to get used to their relationship. It somehow didn't occur to her that they'd still be thinking about the two of them, and be worried about it. What impression was Twilight giving, then, other than being a nervous freak?

"We're...doing fine." Twilight didn't know how else to say "we haven't broken up," and certainly not in a way that would be convincing. Why exactly was Fluttershy worried about this? Did Pinkie Pie say something to her? "Have you talked to her since yesterday?"

"No." Fluttershy kept shifting her gaze from Twilight to the floor. "I haven't seen her. Do you need me to deliver a message or something?"

So Pinkie Pie hadn't said anything about it, unless Fluttershy was lying, but Twilight doubted it. "I was just wondering," Twilight answered. "I can see her myself if I need to tell her something. But thank you for offering."

Fluttershy nodded and began to turn to leave, but she was very hesitant in her movements. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"It'll be fine, Fluttershy. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I promise, if I really need something from you, I won't be afraid to ask."

After being given an uncertain goodbye and a cautious exit, Twilight heard some shuffling far behind her. She spun around just in time to see none other than Spike fall to the floor, presumably after hiding by the ceiling somehow.

"Were you here the whole time?" Twilight demanded.

Spike nodded with a chipper, unapologetic smile. "Pinkie Pie didn't break up with you, right?"

 _"No."_ Was everypony going to ask her this? "We just can't spend too much time together this week, that's all."

"Why not? What's stopping you?"

Then Twilight realized that she wasn't supposed to tell her friends about that. It was too late now. If Spike just eavesdropped on her conversation with Fluttershy without any motivation or remorse, there was no way he'd be satisfied if he knew Twilight was keeping this a secret. This wasn't the end of the world, though, once she actually thought about it for a second. Spike couldn't keep secrets from himself, but he could from other ponies. Or other dragons, if he came across them. Besides, Spike was one of the few people who were definitely not uncomfortable with Twilight and Pinkie's relationship.

"Come with me, okay?" Twilight led him to her favorite reading loveseat and sat down beside him. "I think our friends are really...not used to the idea of Pinkie and I dating."

Spike didn't seem to understand, because his immediate response was an innocuous "I don't get it."

"It's not that they don't  _like it,"_ Twilight clarified. "It's not as if any of us are straight. It's just that...it must be awkward when two of your best friends enter a relationship. And I don't want to make it worse by being affectionate with her around them, so..."

"Why would that make it worse?" Spike questioned. "I thought they were all really happy for you."

"They are." Twilight glanced down at her hooves for a second. "I mean, I think they are. In fact, it was Applejack and Rainbow Dash who helped us establish a romantic relationship in the first place. I just mean that our friends aren't used to it."

"Then why'd Fluttershy ask about it?" Spike crossed his arms, not to be indignant, but probably to help get a point across. "I think she likes that you're dating if she wants to make sure it's going okay."

That was true. Fluttershy, at least, was perfectly content with this by now. "Maybe," Twilight responded. "This is only for the week. By then, this should be totally normal. And our friendships will go unharmed."

"I think you're overthinking this, Twilight. It really isn't that big of a deal." Spike quickly shook his head and amended, "I mean, it's great that you're dating, I just mean--"

"You think I worry too much?" At this point, it was a given that Twilight would worry too much about anything, and she knew it. "But anxiety doesn't listen to reason," she pointed out. "This isn't just for the sake of waiting for our friends to all get used to us. It's also so that I can wait until I'm confident enough to be openly affectionate with her again. And Pinkie knows this, too. I'm actually planning to spend the night with her tomorrow, so once we do that, it should be a lot easier to cope with this."

Spike shrugged, and sighed like he was losing an argument. "If you say so." He hopped off the loveseat and strolled off without another word.

So he probably wasn't looking to eat with Twilight, either.

As Twilight headed to the kitchen to fix breakfast for herself, she realized that she'd said something to Spike that she hadn't truly considered before. "I can wait until I'm confident enough." Was that some issue she was only subconsciously aware of? Was that the real reason she was doing this, to wait until she was more secure and proud of how much she loved Pinkie Pie? Wasn't that selfish of her?

What would that really mean? Twilight figured it meant that she would be able to be affectionate whenever she pleased without worrying about disrupting or disturbing their friends. Was this all for her own benefit after all?

Of course it wasn't. Pinkie Pie was okay with this too, wasn't she? Twilight would be spending a lot of time with her tomorrow, so it would be a good time to discuss how the week was going and how they thought the situation was turning out. And it would give them a chance to be affectionate and carefree at the same time. Maybe Twilight could even vent a little about her frustration if it wouldn't be too much of a burden.

But Pinkie Pie was going to be okay, right?


	5. Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i accidentally posted this before finishing it...i'm sorry :(

This morning wasn't so bad. Maybe it was because Twilight Sparkle had something to look forward to.

She got up later than usual, at about nine o'clock. She was happier than she thought she'd be, thinking about being able to see Pinkie Pie and spending the night with her.  _She really is wonderful,_ Twilight mused as she brushed her mane,  _if I can be happier just by thinking about being with her._

Again, it was later than usual, but Twilight figured that Spike wouldn't mind if she fixed breakfast. He usually slept much later than she did. On her way to the kitchen, she peeked into Spike's room, and saw his little bed was empty.

"Spike?" she called softly. She wasn't too worried about him, just curious. There weren't too many things that would get him out of bed before nine. Maybe Starlight knew something. She was usually awake by now, so Twilight could easily ask her. But after checking her room and calling her name, she still found no one.

It didn't seem like there was anyone else in this castle besides Twilight.

That was a strange thought, somehow. It was a very large castle. A very vast area, lots of rooms, lots of doors. And somehow, there was no living thing in this entire structure besides Twilight Sparkle.

It wasn't as if she hadn't been home alone before. It wasn't supposed to be unnerving. Well, it wasn't really unnerving. There wasn't really a good why to describe the feeling.

Where would Spike and Starlight Glimmer have gone, anyway? Were there plans Twilight forgot about? Was she supposed to be somewhere, too? Of course she was. Of course she was supposed to be somewhere. Of course she took too long and they'd left without her to somewhere. Of course she was supposed to be somewhere.

Where? Why couldn't she remember anything about that? Was she completely losing it all of a sudden? Would that have anything to do with why she couldn't breathe?

A heart attack? Was this a heart attack? Twilight knew the symptoms of a heart attack, but not right now. She couldn't remember. Was memory loss a symptom? Or maybe it was because there wasn't any oxygen. That was why she couldn't breathe through her choked up throat. That was why she was so dizzy all of a sudden.

She barely was able to pull herself up onto a bench. No one was here to help her, save her from dying of a sudden heart attack. The least Twilight could do for herself was curl up and find a scrap of comfort on the chilled surface of the bench against her disgusting sweaty body.

She didn't like thinking about what was happening to her body, what could possibly be happening to blow up her heart so violently or fill her blood with heat or cut away her nerves so she couldn't feel the world like she was supposed to.

Twilight began to wish that Pinkie Pie were here, just so she could have somepony she loved be there to help her cope, but actually, why should Twilight be forcing her problems onto her girlfriend? Pinkie didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve to have to deal with any of this. She deserved much better than that.

~~_She deserved much better than Twilight._ ~~

"Twilight? Is something wrong?" A voice broke through the pounding. "Twilight! What happened?"

It sounded like Starlight Glimmer. Had she been here the whole time? Twilight tried to apologize, but she could only struggle for air.

"It's okay, Twilight." The voice was closer, and something firm and soft gently held her shoulder. "Just...keep breathing, okay? There's nothing wrong, you haven't done anything wrong...just breathe, it's okay."

Twilight shook her head. She couldn't say anything through her tight throat.

"You can breathe, Twilight. Do you need me to help?"

 _Like CPR? I can't make anypony give me CPR._ Twilight squirmed, having no idea how she could possibly respond.

"It'll be fine. I'll breathe with you, and you can copy me, okay?"

Twilight didn't really have any choice but to trust her judgement. She listened for the sounds of inhaling and exhaling. It felt impossible to control her breathing at first, but eventually she was able to maintain a regular pace, and then slow it down until she could be completely aware of the present, and of how mortifying this was.

"I'm sorry," Twilight sniffled, and curled up a little more tightly. She knew Starlight Glimmer was right beside her, but she refused to look her in the eye.

"It's okay, Twilight." Starlight gently put her hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "I get it. I get panic attacks too, you know."

So it was just a panic attack. Why would Twilight have a panic attack? Whatever the reason was, it was embarrassing to have to be coddled like this, especially by the pony who was more or less her student. If she had the guts to be rude, she would rather just run away and shut herself away somewhere until this whole incident could be forgotten about.

Starlight, thankfully, didn't wait for a reaction. "You took your medicine this morning, right?" Twilight nodded, and Starlight added, "Has anything been bothering you lately?"

Well, the answer was definitely yes. Twilight was already humiliated enough right now without thinking of her stupid stunt she was doing to try to appease her friends. It obviously wasn't working. It was just making everypony fret about her. That was the exact opposite of what Twilight had wanted. And she couldn't even _begin_ to think how Pinkie was handling all of this.

"I miss my girlfriend," Twilight quietly confessed.

"You mean Pinkie Pie?" Starlight asked. "Why? You're not too busy to just go see her, are you?"

"No..." Twilight squirmed a little. She wasn't sure how to explain the situation, especially when her heart was still racing with fear.

To her surprise, Starlight didn't ask for any reason, and instead said, "I was just with her, you know. That's why I was out."

Twilight blinked. "You went out to see Pinkie Pie? Why?"

"Well..." Starlight paused. "She told me about what's going on this week."

Twilight stiffened, even though this was supposed to be obvious. Of course she wasn't going to stop Pinkie from telling anypony about this. But still, she really had no idea how Pinkie felt, did she? She was just being really selfish and inconsiderate, wasn't she?

"I really don't think anypony needs time to get used to your relationship," she continued. "They're very happy for both of you."

"I  _know,_ _"_ Twilight sighed.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea to just talk to them about it, you know."

Twilight shook her head. "Wouldn't that just be manipulative? There's no way they'd tell me to my face that Pinkie and I being in love is a problem for them."

"There's no way it  _would_ be a problem for them," Starlight replied. "I'm sure they'd have no problem reassuring you."

"No." Twilight finally glanced back at her, and saw genuinely sympathetic eyes looking back. "I can't do that. I don't think I could make myself believe them if they told me that."

"Hm," Starlight hummed, lightly swishing her tail in thought. "Well, if nothing else...I think you should at least talk to Pinkie Pie."

 _Wait. Of course. Why didn't I ask earlier? If I'm really worried about her, why didn't I ask? Why am I suddenly so selfish about everything?_ Twilight stopped herself from thinking too much about it to ask her question. "Is Pinkie doing okay?"

"She's...fine." Twilight didn't miss the hesitation in Starlight's answer. "She misses you, too. Oh, right, she said that she has to reschedule whatever plan you had with her to tomorrow." She shrugged. "She didn't say what it was, so I hope you know what I'm talking about."

 _"Why?"_ Twilight immediately realized how forceful her reaction sounded, and tried again in a lower voice. "Did she tell you why she had to reschedule?"

"Of course she didn't. She didn't tell me what the plan was, after all. It really isn't any of my business." Despite how nonchalantly she worded this, Starlight's eyebrows were knitted in worry. "I still think you should see her today. Even if it's just for a little while."

Twilight nodded and stood up. "You're right. I want to see if..." Was she worrying too much after all? A raincheck really wasn't a big deal, was it? "...if she can tell me what she's busy with today."

"Are you leaving now?" Starlight asked, getting up as well.

"I better do it now so I don't procrastinate," Twilight answered. "I'll see you later, Starlight Glimmer."

She almost left the hall without turning back to add, "Thank you." She got no response, but she knew Starlight had to have heard it. In any case, she had to go see her girlfriend.

* * *

"Pinkie Pie?" Mrs. Cake shook her head and continued flattening out dough, or whatever was on the counter, with a rolling pin. "I'm sorry, dearie, you just missed her. She just went out to get our groceries."

Normally, this would be, well, normal, but knowing that Pinkie Pie was allegedly too busy to see Twilight today, Twilight had her doubts. Of course, she didn't know exactly how much Mrs. Cake knew, so she also didn't know how to ask something like "Are you sure?" without seeming overly possessive and paranoid.

"Um...well..." Twilight fluffed her wings as she stalled to try to find a more appropriate response. "Thanks for letting me know..."

Mrs. Cake furrowed her brow. "I haven't seen you visit as often. Have you been too busy?"

That probably meant that Pinkie Pie hadn't told Mrs. Cake about any of this. Which was a good thing, if only because it saved Twilight from more embarrassment. "I..." On the other hoof, now she didn't know how to explain herself. "I've just...been having an off week."

"Oh, no, you have?" Mrs. Cake turned away from her rolling pin to face Twilight more directly. "You know, you're always welcome to have a little treat here on the house, if you need a little pick-me-up."

Twilight  _had_ forgotten to eat breakfast...but she shook her head. She didn't want to overstay her welcome. If Pinkie Pie was avoiding her for whatever reason, it would only be until tomorrow. Twilight had to respect that for now. If she ended up encountering her girlfriend before she was ready for whatever conversation she wanted to have, it would be very stressful for both of them.

"I should get back home," Twilight told Mrs. Cake with a polite smile. "I'll be back tomorrow to see her, though, if she's still free."

"Oh, anytime!" Mrs. Cake, now seeming to be worry-free, continued working on her dough. "You're always welcome here, Twilight!" As Twilight turned to leave, she added, "Do you want me to give her a message from you or anything?"

Twilight paused at this, already almost at the door. Was there anything she would need to remind Pinkie about before seeing her tomorrow?

"Just..." Twilight felt the slightest blush creep into her face. "Tell her I love her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies again...i'm not attached enough to glimglam to write her in character


	6. Thursday

The plan was to spend the night, but as soon as Twilight Sparkle had done any and all of her errands and necessary duties, she went right to Sugarcube Corner. It was about two o'clock in the afternoon. 

Twilight was a little nervous that she'd come too early. Neither of them had really set a meeting time, but if Twilight was too early, Pinkie Pie would know how eager she was and think of her as obsessive. She knew this was ridiculous, though, considering how eager Pinkie always was to see her. And sure enough, after waiting on Pinkie's balcony for about three seconds, her girlfriend threw the door open and pulled her close to tightly hug her. The forcefulness of it ended up knocking them both to the floor, thankfully in the opposite direction of the edge of the balcony. 

"Twilight!" she squealed, nuzzling her. "You're here! I've been thinking about you all week, Twilight!"

Thinking about her was one thing, but being with her made Twilight's world so much brighter, and reminded her of how happy she felt when being open about her love. Pinkie guided her to sit on her bed, but they immediately fell on their backs because neither of them could resist the urge to cuddle each other.

"I miss you," Pinkie confessed. "I miss being with you all the time."

"I do, too." Now that she was finally able to, Twilight kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I haven't been with you as much as I thought I would."

"It's okay." Pinkie clearly thought the exact opposite of what she was saying, but she smiled anyway before snuggling closer to Twilight.

Twilight lifted her wing around her to pull her close and cherish everything that she'd been longing for. She'd missed her so much. She missed her softness, her fluffiness, her warmth, her snuggling, her love, her everything.

"I, um..." Pinkie spoke very quietly. "I had a bad dream last night. I don't remember all of it, but I know you were...there was a fire, and you were in there and I couldn't find you."

Dreams weren't always symbolic of anything, but it still made Twilight feel guiltier than she had been all week. In that dream, had she been trying to escape the fire at all? Probably not. Absolutely not. She would have stayed in place, waiting to slowly burn to death because she was afraid of what would happen if she dared try to save herself from her own mistakes.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay! It's...it's over, and you're here with me, so it doesn't matter anymore!"

Twilight shook her head. She knew she had to pull away from Pinkie and try to stop herself. But all the guilt and fear and loneliness had all been bubbling up inside her, and now...

"Oh, no, what's wrong?" As soon as Twilight gave up, Pinkie pulled her close again. "I love you, Twilight, what's wrong?"

What was she supposed to do? If she apologized, she'd be manipulative. If not, she's be irresponsible. "I don't know, I don't know..." She was so pathetic. She was so horribly pathetic. So pathetic and idiotic and yet, Pinkie was still here with her.

"It's not your fault!" Pinkie insisted as she hugged Twilight tighter. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? I love you!"

Twilight had enough strength to push her away.

"Of  _course_ it's my fault! I'm the one who had that  _stupid_ idea about being more private! It made everything worse!  _I_ made everything worse! And I couldn't even think of you enough, as if somehow being at peace with myself is more important than letting you be happy! As if our friends would stop liking us if I could just tell you every day that I love you!" Twilight tightened her wings around her trembling body. "And now here I am crying to you about all this and making you pity me! You don't deserve any of this, Pinkie Pie! You deserve so much better than what I can give you!"

She curled up on the bed, breathing in shudders, trying not to spill any more tears, pathetically, pathetically crying in her girlfriend's bedroom. She really had no idea what else to do. She really had no idea how to fix anything she'd done.

Of course, Pinkie Pie was still here, and she still tried again to hug her tightly. She didn't say anything at first. Twilight knew she didn't deserve it, but she held her anyway.

"I'm sorry for yelling," Twilight whispered.

"It's okay. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Twilight felt her carefully leave a kiss on the back of her neck. She didn't want to try and reject her. Somehow, being close to her like this made her feel a little better. She still felt guilty for it, but she couldn't help accepting all of this.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Twilight." Pinkie was still very quiet. It made Twilight wonder if she really forgave her. "That means you don't have to say you're sorry. I love you."

"Haven't I hurt you?"

"What makes you say that?"

Twilight wasn't sure if pointing it out would make it worse. She really didn't know what else she was supposed to do, so she said it anyway. "I feel like I've made you feel upset by not spending as much time with you. I've felt so lonely and guilty and awful all week, so I could only imagine..."

Pinkie nodded and very gently brushed her hoof against Twilight's feathers. "It really isn't your fault that I missed you so much. You're here now. But I want to stop staying away from you."

It occured to Twilight that Pinkie would not ever admit that this was all Twilight's fault, and she would not ever stop telling Twilight that she loved her. Twilight kissed her fluffy mane, and she reacted with a happy murmur.

"I love you." Twilight said it without thinking. Seeing Pinkie smile up at her, she added, "Thank you for being so nice to me."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Pinkie giggled. "I love you, too! And our friends love that I love you, I promise! They said so!"

Twilight nodded. "Tomorrow," she decided softly, "I'll apologize to them."

"Why?" Pinkie asked. "They wouldn't be mad!"

"They wouldn't," Twilight agreed. "I don't think they would. I just think they ought to know what I was...what I was trying to do."

Pinkie snuggled more tightly into Twilight. "Well, don't do it without me! I wanna make sure it's clear that I love you more than anything in the whole universe!" She wrapped her forelegs securely around Twilight. "And I'll hug you like this the whole time!"

Twilight laughed a little. "I think...that would be hard standing up."

"I hug you standing up all the time! Don't you have faith in me?"

It was obviously a joke, but Twilight gave a sincere response. "I do."

"Then let me!"

"I never said I wasn't going to let you."

"Good!" Pinkie quickly kissed her muzzle. "I'm your girlfriend, so you have to let me hug you as much as I want!"

Twilight knew that. And she knew Pinkie would always act like this when other ponies were around, like their friends, and their friends would, again, face this sudden change of relationship and this risk of disrupting the balance between them.

"I promise," Twilight said. She closed her eyes, finally with a sense of relief. "I won't hide anything about this anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i don't like this story as much as i thought i would so i'm sorry these last few chapters are lackluster... :( i hope the next story will be an improvement


	7. Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly do not like this story very much so i kind of rushed to finish this chapter. i'm sorry. i hope my next story in this series will be much better.

Pinkie Pie had told Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash to meet at Sugarcube Corner whenever they had time. She somehow managed to do all of that and get back to bed before Twilight woke up, which is why it took Twilight a few minutes to register that she was about to apologize to them all, possibly about something they hadn't even noticed at all and she was just being paranoid, and now they would notice and chide her for it in one way or another.

"Why would they be mad at you for apologizing?" Pinkie asked while snuggling her as tightly as possible. "That's the opposite of what they're supposed to do, unless you're being real guilt-trippy about it, but you're not."

"I don't want to be manipulative by accident," Twilight worried.

"And how are you gonna do that?" Pinkie kissed her cheek. "If you're manipulative, you're trying to get them to do something for you, or something like that, right? You have to know how to make them do something, and know what the something is, and then actually put effort into if if you're being manipulative! And you're not! And everypony knows that, so don't you worry your pretty little head!"

Twilight knew that was reasonable. But she also knew that, no matter what she did or how she worded things, most of them would be concerned about her at best and suspicious at worst. On the other hoof, she also knew that Pinkie Pie was beside her, and that everything would be okay, because she really did trust her friends enough to finally be honest.

They went downstairs beside each other, and sure enough, their friends were all grouped together at one of the tables, their quiet, indistinguishable chatter quickly halting upon seeing the girlfriends approach. Twilight waved nervously at them, and they waved back without saying anything, still watching expectantly. Pinkie wrapped her forelegs around her as she spoke.

"I'm sorry," Twilight said, "for acting so nervous all week."

Immediately, Fluttershy insisted, "You shouldn't apologize for being nervous!"

Twilight twitched an ear. She appreciated the sentiment, but she did not want to derail. "The truth is...I've been afraid that loving Pinkie differently is going to ruin what I have with all of you. And I don't want you to think that I love you any less just because I'm only romantically involved with her." Pinkie nuzzled her when she said this, apparently deciding that Twilight was supposed to be blushing right now. "I know that, um...a lot of ponies don't like PDA, so I guess that might have made me think that you would be upset if I was openly affectionate with her...so I tried to force myself not to do anything like that this week..."

Waa that too manipulative? Was that too stupid?

"Oh, Twilight!" Fluttershy gently propelled herself with her wings as she bolted toward Twilight to wrap her in a hug. Everypony else immediately followed suit.

"You don't have to feel like that!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, flapping her wings for emphasis. "I love seeing you guys be lovey-dovey! There's never a bad time for gay rights!"

"It's honestly wonderful," Rarity agreed, "to see that sort of happiness between two of your closest friends."

"I wouldn't've pushed for you two to get together if I wasn't gonna be happy with it," Applejack pointed out.

It made Twilight feel relieved and ashamed at the same time. Relieved that her friends were willing to give her reassurance and acceptance, and ashamed that she ever doubted that they would.

Rarity must have sensed that she was feeling something like that. She gently lifted her chin and said, "There's no need to feel guilty, darling. It's not as if it's easy to control your own worries."

"Also," said Rainbow Dash, pulling away just so she could hover in the air with her wings, "we kind of already knew something was up."

"I thought so," Twilight sighed. "I know I've been...very erratic around you."

"Yeah," agreed Rainbow Dash.

She didn't elaborate, so Applejack did it for her. "Spike told us that something like that was goin' on. No exact details or nothing, just told us that you were goin' through an anxiety thing."

"Oh," Twilight realized, talking mostly to herself, "so that's where he must've been that morning..."

Pinke nudged her, and then kissed her on the lips. If Twilight wasn't blushing before, she definitely was now, despite the fact that everypony was undoubtedly accepting of this sort of behavior. Maybe she was just flustered, and maybe she still wasn't quite used to being in love like this. And maybe that was something no one realized.

"I'm not quite used to being in love like this," she said shyly.

"Aww!" Pinkie giggled and nuzzled her again. "I'm not either!"

Twilight felt something tickle her ear, and looked up to see that Rainbow Dash was trying to regain her attention. "Come on, Twilight." She smiled, with either amusement or admiration, maybe both. "How are you gonna expect any of us to be mad at you two for bein' cute?"

"Well," Twilight said, relieved at how casually she could say this, "maybe  _you_ would be. I thought you weren't into romance."

"I do when it's  _gay!"_ Rainbow Dash explained, swishing her tail around to emphasize. "And I like it when my friends are making each other happy with it! So this gets bonus points!"

"What if I was dating a stallion?"

"Usually that's boring, but you're bi, so you have standards anyway, and you'd still get bonus points if I was his friend." Rainbow Dash flipped in the air (probably not to show off at this point, that was just how she moved sometimes) to gesture to Pinkie Pie, who was very busy snuggling Twilight. "Also, I totally called that you guys would get together. Like, way before I even figured out you had a crush on her."

Pinkie pulled away to gasp in awe. "Really? You did? You can predict that?"

"No," said Twilight, pulling her close again and trying not to sound as flustered as she felt. "She's just bluffing."

Rainbow Dash pouted. "How do  _you_ know, Twilight?"

"Actually," Rarity spoke up, "she did mention to me once, hypothetically, that you two should start dating."

 _"What?"_ Twilight released Pinkie to whirl around to face Rarity. "When was  _this?"_

Rarity hesitated and hummed to herself for a second. "I don't know exactly when. It wasn't too long ago. I believe it was sometime last spring. I don't quite remember the context, either. It could very well have been a joke."

"Nah," Rainbow Dash reacted with confidence, "I was totally calling it."

"You can't prove that!" Twilight told her.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "What's the big--oh, is it embarrassing if you were really transparent about being in love with Pinkie Pie? Don't worry, I didn't try to spread rumors or anything."

Pinkie Pie, by contrast, seemed to be amazed by Rainbow Dash. "I think that's cool, if you knew before we did!" She leaped over to be closer to Rainbow Dash. "Do you know if any of our other friends are about to get cute girlfriends?"

Twilight followed her and quickly pulled her under her wing. "That's none of our business, Pinkie!"

"Why not?" Pinkie wasn't angry or annoyed, of course. She still smiled at Twilight, still very lovely and full of cheer. "It's something for them to get excited about, isn't it?"

She probably had a point. After all, she knew Applejack had been able to strongly hint to Pinkie Pie that Twilight reciprocated her feelings, and that was likely one of the biggest motivators for Pinkie to be able to say that she had a crush on her. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had also been able to help Twilight when it came to talking about her feelings and trying to figure them out. Even this week they still wanted to ensure their happiness. Rarity had tried to calm her down and figure out what had been causing her distress while they'd all been playing Uni together, and Fluttershy went out of her way to visit Twilight and ask if there was anything going wrong in the relationship.

Thinking about all of this, Twilight thought it had been foolish of her to think that her friends were anything but completely happy for them, but she wasn't kicking herself over it anymore. She was only grateful that they were with her now, and that they were so good to her and Pinkie Pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my little timeline guide thing for this story the only thing i had written for this chapter was "pals"


End file.
